Editorial Report 13b

            This blogpost served  as a second comparison for my rough cut in relation to the final cut for Project 3.



Selection from Rough Cut:

You may be wondering why these restrictions on serenades have caused such an uproar amongst many greek members, and it is because this is more than just a ban on silly performance that we perform for sororities. This ban places such a negative connotation on fraternities at the U of A, and it is coming from members of greek life itself. Instead of accusing fraternities for something that has not even been, they should be focusing on other actual problems such as substance abuse, which is a constantly occurring problem. Guys wearing skimpy clothing and dancing for the girls, while being supervised by house moms, should not be a concern. There have been no complaints thus far about serenades being a problem, and honestly they seem to bring nothing but pure joy to the sorority members at chapter. Girls are literally fangirling and cheering on the guys the entire time. These guys are enjoying their few minutes of fame at each sorority by looking like complete idiots, the last thing on their mind is the thought of promoting rape culture. If a sorority member feels uncomfortable she is more than welcome to submit a formal complaint, talk to someone about it, and the most logical of all, leave the situation. Last time I checked, there was not a choice on if you were getting raped or not, but in this case, there are many routes to take if one feels uncomfortable. There is absolutely no reason why this harmless activity should be targeted as something that promotes rape culture.


Re-edited Selection:

One might wonder why these restrictions on serenades have caused such an uproar amongst many greek members, and it is because this is more than just a ban on a silly performance that fraternities perform for sororities. This ban places such a negative connotation on fraternities at the U of A, and it is coming from members of greek life itself. Instead of accusing fraternities for something that has not even happened, they should be focusing on other actual problems such as substance abuse or other chapter violations. Guys wearing skimpy clothing and dancing for the girls, while being supervised by house moms, should not be a concern. There have been no complaints thus far about serenades being a problem, and honestly they seem to bring nothing but pure joy to the sorority members at chapter. Girls are literally fangirling and cheering on the guys the entire time. These guys are enjoying their few minutes of fame at each sorority by looking like complete idiots, the last thing on their mind is the thought of promoting rape culture. If a sorority member feels uncomfortable she is more than welcome to submit a formal complaint, talk to someone about it, and the most logical of all, leave the situation. There is absolutely no reason why this harmless activity should be targeted as something that promotes rape culture.


For this re-edited version there I tried to go for a more professional approach in how I was discussing the information. For example, I took out the use of "you" because addressing the audience seemed to informal and the reader may not be able to relate to what I am saying, so that would throw them off as they read. One crucial change I made was by taking out the second to last paragraph of the section. I felt like the initial way I worded it was too strong and did come off as offensive, but I was trying to explicitly make my point. However, after giving it some thought, I realized that it was unnecessary and would only cause more harm than benefit my paper.