This blogpost discusses my Peer Review comment for Ellie George's Open Letter for Project 4 of English 109H.
Author: Ellie George
Title & Link to Rough Cut: Draft of Open Letter
I really appreciate how Ellie decided to steer from our suggested project genres and write an Open Letter. I feel like this format is one of the best ways to voice a self-reflection and I can tell from her draft that she's on a good track. She hits all major topics such as the type of writer she was before, how she handled things during the semester, and a reflection of how she came out in the end. I decided to make a content suggest for her and that suggestion was to make her letter flow more, and be a little casual as if she was writing to a friend. The rough cut sounded a little "blocky" and the word choice was fairly bland. I suggested that she work on the transitions between paragraphs and topics and try to expand on her word choice to make it a little more exciting for the reader. She definitely had a good backbone to her project, now she just needs to add all the meat!
Friday, May 6, 2016
Editorial Report 15b
This blog serves as a compare/contrast analysis of the Rough Cut of my Video Essay to the Final Cut.
Rought Cut: Rough Draft
Final Cut: Final Draft
(Any part of the video after 12 seconds, and before 7:35)
Rought Cut: Rough Draft
Final Cut: Final Draft
(Any part of the video after 12 seconds, and before 7:35)
- How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
As stated in the previous blog, in this edited version I did not really change anything content-wise. I did add subtitles to my different projects when I was presenting them. That just helps in clarifying what it was, in case it was not already obvious when I had said it. I also added credits in the end which I almost forgot to do in my first one. This is necessary so I can credit where I got my sounds from.
- How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
For this editorial report I'd like to focus on the music that I decided to incorporate in my Video Essay. I added 3 different instrumentals at a low volume to give some background noise in hopes that it would keep the viewer more engaged. The first one starts when it's solely the video of me talking, then when the projects start (3:35) the music changes to something else, and I have this happen again at around 5:30. I made sure to fade in and out of each song so that the transitions would be less abrupt. I think switching the music up will help keep my audience focused rather than having just one song playing throughout. I decided to go with very chill, laid back songs because I am very soft spoken and I feel like really happy or serious music would take away from it. I had to go in and amplify my voice just for the fact that I was speaking kind of low and away from the mic, and so it would sound better above the music. I think these small additions made the biggest changes for my final version.
Editorial Report 15a
This blog serves as a compare/contrast analysis of the Rough Cut of my Video Essay to the Final Cut.
Rought Cut: Rough Draft
Final Cut: Final Draft
(First 12 seconds of both, and last 7 seconds of final)
Rought Cut: Rough Draft
Final Cut: Final Draft
(First 12 seconds of both, and last 7 seconds of final)
- How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
In this edited version I did not really change anything content-wise. I did add subtitles to my different projects when I was presenting them. That just helps in clarifying what it was, in case it was not already obvious when I had said it. I also added credits in the end which I almost forgot to do in my first one. This is necessary so I can credit where I got my sounds from.
- How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
I'd like to focus on the first 12 seconds of both videos. I changed the intro theme song to something that was not so serious because I felt that it didn't fit in the video. The new sound I chose is very light and happy and has a melodic piano tune. I also changed the background to have a new teal-to-blue gradient which was easier on the eyes and looks way better than a straight blue background. I think these little changes made the biggest differences in introducing and ending my video essay.
Open Post to Peer Reviewers
This blogpost serves as a Rough Cut for my Video Essay for the Final Project of English 109H.
Link to Rough Cut: English Course Final Video Essay Rough Cut
Link to Rough Cut: English Course Final Video Essay Rough Cut
- Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know
I wanted to keep this video really laid back as if it were just a vlog of my self reflection as a writer. With that being said, it is a pretty casual video, except I am reading from a script. I knew it would be hard to remember all my information and make sure I hit all my targeted subjects so I had no choice but to read from a script.
- Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)
I think my biggest issue for my Rough Cut is that I am missing music to help keep my audience engaged. I talk a lot...but I really did change a lot as a writer so I wanted to be specific in how I changed. It is kind of a dull subject because not only am I talk about myself, but I am talking about myself as a writer...so spicing it up a little would help.
- Major virtues or strengths in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)
I think a major strength of my Rough cut is the content itself. I really took time to self reflect on myself as a writer, and that resulted in me having a lot to say. I also incorporate screenshots/videos of my different projects throughout the video.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Peer Review 14
This blogpost serves as a peer review for Mike Duffek's Video Essay for Project 4.
Author: Mike Duffek
Title & Link to Post: P4- Content Outline
For this peer review, I decided to make a brainstorming suggestion for Mike's Video Essay. Mike had a great outline for his video essay, it was easy to follow and very descriptive. He knows exactly what he wants to include in each of the sections of his video and I think his plan is amazing. I am really interested to see how much he has changed as writer just for the fact that he hasn't been in an english class like this in over 10 years. One suggestion that I would like to make is that he should include examples of his work in this course to help expand on the good and/or rough parts of each project that he found. He seems to have a lot of different feelings for each projects, so examples of these would be cool. I think he is on a great track for a great video essay.
Author: Mike Duffek
Title & Link to Post: P4- Content Outline
For this peer review, I decided to make a brainstorming suggestion for Mike's Video Essay. Mike had a great outline for his video essay, it was easy to follow and very descriptive. He knows exactly what he wants to include in each of the sections of his video and I think his plan is amazing. I am really interested to see how much he has changed as writer just for the fact that he hasn't been in an english class like this in over 10 years. One suggestion that I would like to make is that he should include examples of his work in this course to help expand on the good and/or rough parts of each project that he found. He seems to have a lot of different feelings for each projects, so examples of these would be cool. I think he is on a great track for a great video essay.
Production Report 14b
This blog serves as a production report for my final video essay for English 109H.
- How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?
The form for how I presented my raw content is much different than what it is going to be in my final project. I have provided a script of what I plan on saying in my Video Essay. The way it will be presented in my Video Essay me saying it while being filmed.
- How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
So far the production of this raw material has been going okay. I do feel a little rush with the project, especially trying to juggle it with some other projects. I feel like I might be missing some points but I am doing my best to piece it all together.
Outline Item- First Section:
The first section will mainly be a discussion of the type of writer I was before this semester. I will cover what, at the time, I believed were my strengths and weaknesses when it came to writing and English in general. I will also discuss what I perceived this English class was going to be, and maybe some of my fears coming into it, and my expectations.
Adaptation of Outline Item:
Before I started this course, I thought that I was a fairly good writer just for the fact that I have been forced to write all my life. I knew that I had some things to work on here and there, but I genuinely thought I would be set for this course. The english and history courses that i took in high school were held to a very high standard, and my experience with how writing in college went from first semester, made me think that I would be all set for and actual english course for this past semester. I knew I had a problem with time management, I have always had that problem with basically all aspects of my life. One thing I knew for sure is that I always get things done, even if I steer away from a planned schedule, it all comes together in the end. I knew this would give me some challenges along the way, but I did not think it would have such an impact on my coursework for this class. I was always someone who would kind of just let things go with the flow. I never really structured a plan before I started writing, I just let my thoughts flow and then I would do some editing after words. I think this was due to my hatred of revisions and peer review. It would always frustrate me when I would receive feedback and would have to rewrite my entire body of work. My “solution” for this was to just spend a lot of time during my drafts and write it as if it was a final, in hopes of making my revision process less tedious. For the most part it worked, except when I started this class.
Production Report 14a
This blog serves as a production report for my final video essay for English 109H.
Outline Item- Opening Section:
For the opening section I'd like to cover how, in general, I have changed as a writer over the course of this semester. I will touch on the topics that will be discussed in my body paragraphs such as changes in my strengths and weaknesses, as well as all the things I have learned this year. I will try and add in a personal story in an attempt to try and make it interesting for my audience.
Adaptation of Outline Item:
English has never been my strength when it comes to different subjects in school, so coming into English 109H my second semester of freshman year in college, I really didn’t know what to expect. I heard stories from my older sister that it was going to be a pretty challenging course with a lot of writing. Needless to say, I was a little nervous coming into this class, but it turned out to be very different than what I thought. The way this course was structured was much different than I had anticipated and throughout the semester I truly did not think that I had changed as a writer. After actually looking back on my course work and how I go about starting, actually doing, and finishing my different projects for English, I realized that I actually have changed a lot as a writer. This video serves as a self-assessment of how I personally have transformed as a writer from the beginning to the end of the semester.
- How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?
The form for how I presented my raw content is much different than what it is going to be in my final project. I have provided a script of what I plan on saying in my Video Essay. The way it will be presented in my Video Essay me saying it while being filmed.
- How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
So far the production of this raw material has been going okay. I do feel a little rush with the project, especially trying to juggle it with some other projects. I feel like I might be missing some points but I am doing my best to piece it all together.
Outline Item- Opening Section:
For the opening section I'd like to cover how, in general, I have changed as a writer over the course of this semester. I will touch on the topics that will be discussed in my body paragraphs such as changes in my strengths and weaknesses, as well as all the things I have learned this year. I will try and add in a personal story in an attempt to try and make it interesting for my audience.
Adaptation of Outline Item:
English has never been my strength when it comes to different subjects in school, so coming into English 109H my second semester of freshman year in college, I really didn’t know what to expect. I heard stories from my older sister that it was going to be a pretty challenging course with a lot of writing. Needless to say, I was a little nervous coming into this class, but it turned out to be very different than what I thought. The way this course was structured was much different than I had anticipated and throughout the semester I truly did not think that I had changed as a writer. After actually looking back on my course work and how I go about starting, actually doing, and finishing my different projects for English, I realized that I actually have changed a lot as a writer. This video serves as a self-assessment of how I personally have transformed as a writer from the beginning to the end of the semester.
Production Schedule
This blogpost serves as a Production Schedule for the final project for English 109H.
April 24th-May 1st
What to do: Blogposts and process work to prepare for the final project
Location: Library/ Home
Resources Required: Laptop
Date Completed: May 2nd
Changes: Blogs (as usual) were completed on Sunday
May 2nd
What to do: Finish blogposts if necessary and start forming a script for the final project
Location: Library/ Home
Resources Required: Laptop
Date Completed: May 2nd
Changes:
May 3rd
What to do: Finish up script for the project and start recording- even if it is rough - create something that can recieve feedback to improve
Location: Library/ Home
Resources Required: Laptop
Date Completed: May 3rd/4th
Changes:
May 4th
What to do: Complete rough draft and get it peer edited ASAP
Location: Library/Home
Resources Required: Laptop, peers to review
Date Completed: May 4th
Changes:
May 5th
What to do: Make adjustments based on peer review and START FINAL CUT.
Location: Library/Home
Resources Required: Laptop
Data Completed: May 5th/6th
Changes:
May 6th
What to do: Finish up final cut and submit to Dropbox via Youtube link
Location: Library/Home
Resources Required: Laptop
Date Completed: May 6th
Changes:
April 24th-May 1st
What to do: Blogposts and process work to prepare for the final project
Location: Library/ Home
Resources Required: Laptop
Date Completed: May 2nd
Changes: Blogs (as usual) were completed on Sunday
May 2nd
What to do: Finish blogposts if necessary and start forming a script for the final project
Location: Library/ Home
Resources Required: Laptop
Date Completed: May 2nd
Changes:
May 3rd
What to do: Finish up script for the project and start recording- even if it is rough - create something that can recieve feedback to improve
Location: Library/ Home
Resources Required: Laptop
Date Completed: May 3rd/4th
Changes:
May 4th
What to do: Complete rough draft and get it peer edited ASAP
Location: Library/Home
Resources Required: Laptop, peers to review
Date Completed: May 4th
Changes:
May 5th
What to do: Make adjustments based on peer review and START FINAL CUT.
Location: Library/Home
Resources Required: Laptop
Data Completed: May 5th/6th
Changes:
May 6th
What to do: Finish up final cut and submit to Dropbox via Youtube link
Location: Library/Home
Resources Required: Laptop
Date Completed: May 6th
Changes:
Content Outline
For this blogpost, I am providing my proposed Content Outline for my final project, the self-reflection.
Format: Video Essay
Opening Section:
For the opening section I'd like to cover how, in general, I have changed as a writer over the course of this semester. I will touch on the topics that will be discussed in my body paragraphs such as changes in my strengths and weaknesses, as well as all the things I have learned this year. I will try and add in a personal story in an attempt to try and make it interesting for my audience.
First Section:
The first section will mainly be a discussion of the type of writer I was before this semester. I will cover what, at the time, I believed were my strengths and weaknesses when it came to writing and English in general. I will also discuss what I perceived this English class was going to be, and maybe some of my fears coming into it, and my expectations.
Second Section:
The second section will discuss the different types of projects I did, and the process work that was included for them. I will talk about how I adjusted to each project and how my previous experience with writing may or may not have helped with creating the project. Once, again, I'll talk about eh strengths and weaknesses of each of those projects. If possible, I'll incorporate snippets of each of my project inside the video.
Third Section:
This third section will be an overall look on how I have changed as a writer. I'll give some examples of how I've changed when it comes to different writing situations. I will also talk about how I can use the skills I've learned and apply them to my professional and academic life. Now that I have learned that different genres are used for different types of audiences, I can talk about analyzing the rhetorical situation of each of my future projects This section will most likely be the longest because it will be the main chunk of the reflection part and self assessment.
Closing Section:
The closing section of my project will sum up the entire project. It will touch base on how I have transformed as a writer and provide the specifics such as how I've handled time management, how my writing has improved, how I decide to plan things in advance. It will include more than this as well, just recapping on how I have changed. I will also include how I will take these skills and incorporate them to use in the future.
Format: Video Essay
Opening Section:
For the opening section I'd like to cover how, in general, I have changed as a writer over the course of this semester. I will touch on the topics that will be discussed in my body paragraphs such as changes in my strengths and weaknesses, as well as all the things I have learned this year. I will try and add in a personal story in an attempt to try and make it interesting for my audience.
First Section:
The first section will mainly be a discussion of the type of writer I was before this semester. I will cover what, at the time, I believed were my strengths and weaknesses when it came to writing and English in general. I will also discuss what I perceived this English class was going to be, and maybe some of my fears coming into it, and my expectations.
Second Section:
The second section will discuss the different types of projects I did, and the process work that was included for them. I will talk about how I adjusted to each project and how my previous experience with writing may or may not have helped with creating the project. Once, again, I'll talk about eh strengths and weaknesses of each of those projects. If possible, I'll incorporate snippets of each of my project inside the video.
Third Section:
This third section will be an overall look on how I have changed as a writer. I'll give some examples of how I've changed when it comes to different writing situations. I will also talk about how I can use the skills I've learned and apply them to my professional and academic life. Now that I have learned that different genres are used for different types of audiences, I can talk about analyzing the rhetorical situation of each of my future projects This section will most likely be the longest because it will be the main chunk of the reflection part and self assessment.
Closing Section:
The closing section of my project will sum up the entire project. It will touch base on how I have transformed as a writer and provide the specifics such as how I've handled time management, how my writing has improved, how I decide to plan things in advance. It will include more than this as well, just recapping on how I have changed. I will also include how I will take these skills and incorporate them to use in the future.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Peer Review 13b
This blogpost serves as a peer review for Nick Hernandez's Video Essay for Project 3.
Author: Nick Hernandez
Title & Link to Post: Are We Too Dependent on Computers?
For this peer review, I decided to make a copy-editing suggestion for Nick's Video Essay. When it comes to language, I believe that Nick made valid claims and had sufficient support, however, I did find it a little odd when it went from on-screen text to him talking, back to on-screen text. I think only one of those forms should be used, because it seemed like an abrupt entrance for him to come in and start stating his opinion on the matter. Nick had really good design elements, but one suggestion I would make is maybe cutting down the length of some of the videos. For example, I felt like there was too much footage of the military man using the laptop. The sources seemed pretty credible, and the video was very well put together, so I would say his presentation of his supporting evidence was done really well. Overall, I think Nick was successful with his Video Essay.
Author: Nick Hernandez
Title & Link to Post: Are We Too Dependent on Computers?
For this peer review, I decided to make a copy-editing suggestion for Nick's Video Essay. When it comes to language, I believe that Nick made valid claims and had sufficient support, however, I did find it a little odd when it went from on-screen text to him talking, back to on-screen text. I think only one of those forms should be used, because it seemed like an abrupt entrance for him to come in and start stating his opinion on the matter. Nick had really good design elements, but one suggestion I would make is maybe cutting down the length of some of the videos. For example, I felt like there was too much footage of the military man using the laptop. The sources seemed pretty credible, and the video was very well put together, so I would say his presentation of his supporting evidence was done really well. Overall, I think Nick was successful with his Video Essay.
Peer Review 13a
For this blogpost, I am doing a peer review of Nicholas Hoover's Quick Reference Guide for Project 3.
Author: Nicholas Hoover
Title & Link to Post: The Truth About Outsourcing
For this peer review I decided to make a re-design recommendation for Nicholas Hoover's QRG. I noticed that in his Open Post to Peer Reviewers, he noted that he should include additional white space, but I would have to say that I disagree with this idea. The white space is fairly decent, however, it is not consisted throughout the QRG. This makes for a distracting read as you make it through the guide. In addition, I feel like there is a lack of disconnect between each section for the guide; it seems like one continuous read. I believe that the addition of some color scheme, or making a theme for the QRG would also make it more inviting and interesting for the reader. The content for the project is great, there is just some refining to be done when it comes to genre conventions
Reflection on Local Revision Process
This blog serves as a reflection for the final process work and final cut for my standard college essay for Project 3.
What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
Coming into this week, I had a pretty solid draft that I had peer reviewed by two different members of English 109H. In addition, I had consulted Professor Bottai on how to better approach my revisions for the final cut of my argument, as well as a few of my peers that are not in the class. They helped me refine and fix all the small issues, that, in total, made the biggest difference in my final product.
What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
The hardest part of my revision process was finding the right way to approach my revisions. I knew exactly what I needed to do, but I was not sure how I could make my essay less personal, without destroying the effect I had on my reader when it was personal. Eventually, I think I found a good balance between staying credible and being personal enough to where the audience could relate.
How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?
Now that this project is over, I rally have to make sure I am on top of my game for the final project. I can't afford to get distracted in my process work like I did for this project. It is going to be rough, seeing as though I have like 12 other projects to do, finals, and the timespan I have to work on it is cut in half. I also have to teach myself how to make a video essay, so that is going to be a challenge on it's own. I am pretty nervous for this final project, but as long as I stay on top of my process work, I think I will be able to pull off a pretty good final project.
How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?
I feel like my final version of my Public Argument turned out great. I believe that it shows how passionate I am about the subject, and that I have ample support for the claims that I make. This was a topic that I am really interested in and I think writing about it has motivated me to actually try and make a difference amongst greek life at the U of A.
Editorial Report 13b
This blogpost served as a second comparison for my rough cut in relation to the final cut for Project 3.
Selection from Rough Cut:
You may be wondering why these restrictions on serenades have caused such an uproar amongst many greek members, and it is because this is more than just a ban on silly performance that we perform for sororities. This ban places such a negative connotation on fraternities at the U of A, and it is coming from members of greek life itself. Instead of accusing fraternities for something that has not even been, they should be focusing on other actual problems such as substance abuse, which is a constantly occurring problem. Guys wearing skimpy clothing and dancing for the girls, while being supervised by house moms, should not be a concern. There have been no complaints thus far about serenades being a problem, and honestly they seem to bring nothing but pure joy to the sorority members at chapter. Girls are literally fangirling and cheering on the guys the entire time. These guys are enjoying their few minutes of fame at each sorority by looking like complete idiots, the last thing on their mind is the thought of promoting rape culture. If a sorority member feels uncomfortable she is more than welcome to submit a formal complaint, talk to someone about it, and the most logical of all, leave the situation. Last time I checked, there was not a choice on if you were getting raped or not, but in this case, there are many routes to take if one feels uncomfortable. There is absolutely no reason why this harmless activity should be targeted as something that promotes rape culture.
Re-edited Selection:
One might wonder why these restrictions on serenades have caused such an uproar amongst many greek members, and it is because this is more than just a ban on a silly performance that fraternities perform for sororities. This ban places such a negative connotation on fraternities at the U of A, and it is coming from members of greek life itself. Instead of accusing fraternities for something that has not even happened, they should be focusing on other actual problems such as substance abuse or other chapter violations. Guys wearing skimpy clothing and dancing for the girls, while being supervised by house moms, should not be a concern. There have been no complaints thus far about serenades being a problem, and honestly they seem to bring nothing but pure joy to the sorority members at chapter. Girls are literally fangirling and cheering on the guys the entire time. These guys are enjoying their few minutes of fame at each sorority by looking like complete idiots, the last thing on their mind is the thought of promoting rape culture. If a sorority member feels uncomfortable she is more than welcome to submit a formal complaint, talk to someone about it, and the most logical of all, leave the situation. There is absolutely no reason why this harmless activity should be targeted as something that promotes rape culture.
For this re-edited version there I tried to go for a more professional approach in how I was discussing the information. For example, I took out the use of "you" because addressing the audience seemed to informal and the reader may not be able to relate to what I am saying, so that would throw them off as they read. One crucial change I made was by taking out the second to last paragraph of the section. I felt like the initial way I worded it was too strong and did come off as offensive, but I was trying to explicitly make my point. However, after giving it some thought, I realized that it was unnecessary and would only cause more harm than benefit my paper.
Selection from Rough Cut:
You may be wondering why these restrictions on serenades have caused such an uproar amongst many greek members, and it is because this is more than just a ban on silly performance that we perform for sororities. This ban places such a negative connotation on fraternities at the U of A, and it is coming from members of greek life itself. Instead of accusing fraternities for something that has not even been, they should be focusing on other actual problems such as substance abuse, which is a constantly occurring problem. Guys wearing skimpy clothing and dancing for the girls, while being supervised by house moms, should not be a concern. There have been no complaints thus far about serenades being a problem, and honestly they seem to bring nothing but pure joy to the sorority members at chapter. Girls are literally fangirling and cheering on the guys the entire time. These guys are enjoying their few minutes of fame at each sorority by looking like complete idiots, the last thing on their mind is the thought of promoting rape culture. If a sorority member feels uncomfortable she is more than welcome to submit a formal complaint, talk to someone about it, and the most logical of all, leave the situation. Last time I checked, there was not a choice on if you were getting raped or not, but in this case, there are many routes to take if one feels uncomfortable. There is absolutely no reason why this harmless activity should be targeted as something that promotes rape culture.
Re-edited Selection:
One might wonder why these restrictions on serenades have caused such an uproar amongst many greek members, and it is because this is more than just a ban on a silly performance that fraternities perform for sororities. This ban places such a negative connotation on fraternities at the U of A, and it is coming from members of greek life itself. Instead of accusing fraternities for something that has not even happened, they should be focusing on other actual problems such as substance abuse or other chapter violations. Guys wearing skimpy clothing and dancing for the girls, while being supervised by house moms, should not be a concern. There have been no complaints thus far about serenades being a problem, and honestly they seem to bring nothing but pure joy to the sorority members at chapter. Girls are literally fangirling and cheering on the guys the entire time. These guys are enjoying their few minutes of fame at each sorority by looking like complete idiots, the last thing on their mind is the thought of promoting rape culture. If a sorority member feels uncomfortable she is more than welcome to submit a formal complaint, talk to someone about it, and the most logical of all, leave the situation. There is absolutely no reason why this harmless activity should be targeted as something that promotes rape culture.
For this re-edited version there I tried to go for a more professional approach in how I was discussing the information. For example, I took out the use of "you" because addressing the audience seemed to informal and the reader may not be able to relate to what I am saying, so that would throw them off as they read. One crucial change I made was by taking out the second to last paragraph of the section. I felt like the initial way I worded it was too strong and did come off as offensive, but I was trying to explicitly make my point. However, after giving it some thought, I realized that it was unnecessary and would only cause more harm than benefit my paper.
Editorial Report 13a
This blogpost served to compare my rough cut in relation to the final cut for Project 3.
Selection from Rough Cut:
After reading the article by Buscemi, and both aforementioned Daily Wildcat Articles, I found myself initially stuck at a crossroad, but my opinion was ultimately swayed after some more research and some reflection on my very own chapter. I am part of the newest class of brothers in the fraternity Sigma Phi Epsilon, also known as SigEp. Being fairly new to the chapter, I have gotten a sense of what greek life at the UA really is, while still being aware of the “outside world,” which I believe makes me a good voice for this argument. Actually being a part of greek life has totally broken all my former thoughts on what a fraternity is and what they value. I have been able to separate the truth from the rumors, and I have to say, fraternity life is not everything that people say it is. Fraternities are known for being comprised of douchey assholes, and sororities are labeled as ditsy sluts, both targeted for “paying for your friends.” Sure, as bad as it is, some people do fit these awful labels, but that’s a very small percentage, and I firmly believe that everyone has a skewed vision on what greek life really is. The standards that each fraternity and sorority is held to is much higher than one would expect, and there are many rules and regulations that we have to follow.
Re-edited Selection:
I am part of the newest class of brothers in the fraternity Sigma Phi Epsilon, also known as SigEp. Being fairly new to the chapter, I have gotten a sense of what greek life at the UA really is, while still being aware of the “outside world,” which I believe makes me a good voice for this argument. Actually being a part of greek life has shattered all my former thoughts on what a fraternity is and what they value. Fraternities are known for being comprised of douchey assholes, and sororities are labeled as ditsy sluts, both targeted for “paying for your friends.” Sure, as bad as it is, some people do fit these awful labels, but that’s a very small percentage, and I firmly believe that everyone has a skewed vision on what greek life really is. The standards that each fraternity and sorority are held to is much higher than one would expect, and there are many rules and regulations that they have to follow.
For this re-edited version there wasn't too big of a change, I basically omitted the first sentence of the paragraph. I did this in an attempt to make my essay less personal. Even though it was a small change I believe that it made a big difference overall in how my paper turned out. I made corrections like these throughout my entire paper. I even made sure to take out the use of the word "we" and used "they" instead to make it more credible.
Selection from Rough Cut:
After reading the article by Buscemi, and both aforementioned Daily Wildcat Articles, I found myself initially stuck at a crossroad, but my opinion was ultimately swayed after some more research and some reflection on my very own chapter. I am part of the newest class of brothers in the fraternity Sigma Phi Epsilon, also known as SigEp. Being fairly new to the chapter, I have gotten a sense of what greek life at the UA really is, while still being aware of the “outside world,” which I believe makes me a good voice for this argument. Actually being a part of greek life has totally broken all my former thoughts on what a fraternity is and what they value. I have been able to separate the truth from the rumors, and I have to say, fraternity life is not everything that people say it is. Fraternities are known for being comprised of douchey assholes, and sororities are labeled as ditsy sluts, both targeted for “paying for your friends.” Sure, as bad as it is, some people do fit these awful labels, but that’s a very small percentage, and I firmly believe that everyone has a skewed vision on what greek life really is. The standards that each fraternity and sorority is held to is much higher than one would expect, and there are many rules and regulations that we have to follow.
Re-edited Selection:
I am part of the newest class of brothers in the fraternity Sigma Phi Epsilon, also known as SigEp. Being fairly new to the chapter, I have gotten a sense of what greek life at the UA really is, while still being aware of the “outside world,” which I believe makes me a good voice for this argument. Actually being a part of greek life has shattered all my former thoughts on what a fraternity is and what they value. Fraternities are known for being comprised of douchey assholes, and sororities are labeled as ditsy sluts, both targeted for “paying for your friends.” Sure, as bad as it is, some people do fit these awful labels, but that’s a very small percentage, and I firmly believe that everyone has a skewed vision on what greek life really is. The standards that each fraternity and sorority are held to is much higher than one would expect, and there are many rules and regulations that they have to follow.
For this re-edited version there wasn't too big of a change, I basically omitted the first sentence of the paragraph. I did this in an attempt to make my essay less personal. Even though it was a small change I believe that it made a big difference overall in how my paper turned out. I made corrections like these throughout my entire paper. I even made sure to take out the use of the word "we" and used "they" instead to make it more credible.
Revised Post to Peer Reviewers
The following blogpost is intended to provide my peers with a link to my final cut for Project 3, as well as discuss the strengths and weaknesses of my Standard College Essay.
The link to my Standard College Essay can be found here.
For Project 3 I wrote about a sensitive topic, rape culture, in relation to fraternity serenades and how additional restrictions on what fraternities can do will only lead to the demise of greek life at the University of Arizona. It was difficult for me to try and figure out a way to structure my paper without being offensive to my readers. I have never really written a public argument, so I tried to get my point across, but kept in mind all the possible types of audiences I may have. In the end, I believe I created a a good public argument that voiced my opinion, and in a professional way.
I think that one of my biggest strengths of my paper is making the disclaimer before I went in the public argument. When I started writing, I felt like I was walking on thin ice, but by clarifying to my readers my personal stance on the subject, I think that will make them have a more open mind as they read my essay.
One of my weaknesses is that I feel like it could have been too personal that it doesn't make me or my support seem credible. When I went through the revision process, I made sure to make it as impersonal as I could, while still expressing my ideals on the situation. I think I did a fairly good job, but there is always room for improvement.
The link to my Standard College Essay can be found here.
For Project 3 I wrote about a sensitive topic, rape culture, in relation to fraternity serenades and how additional restrictions on what fraternities can do will only lead to the demise of greek life at the University of Arizona. It was difficult for me to try and figure out a way to structure my paper without being offensive to my readers. I have never really written a public argument, so I tried to get my point across, but kept in mind all the possible types of audiences I may have. In the end, I believe I created a a good public argument that voiced my opinion, and in a professional way.
I think that one of my biggest strengths of my paper is making the disclaimer before I went in the public argument. When I started writing, I felt like I was walking on thin ice, but by clarifying to my readers my personal stance on the subject, I think that will make them have a more open mind as they read my essay.
One of my weaknesses is that I feel like it could have been too personal that it doesn't make me or my support seem credible. When I went through the revision process, I made sure to make it as impersonal as I could, while still expressing my ideals on the situation. I think I did a fairly good job, but there is always room for improvement.
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Peer Review 12b
For this blogpost, I talk about my peer review for David Klebosky's Podcast for Project 3.
Author: David Klebosky
Title & Link to Project: Satire is Making Way For Absurdism
For this peer review I opted to make a content suggestion for David's podcast. Podcasts can be really tricky because you want to keep the audience's attention with interesting topics, sound effects, and keeping it to the point. At the same time you want to make sure that the audience fully understands what your point is. David provided us with a link to his script and a rough cut of his podcast. He has a great voice for podcasts and I really was impressed on how simply his tone kept me engaged, I felt like he was interacting with me, it didn't seem robotic. However, I did notice that I would simply get lost at times because I felt like there was too much going on. It could have been that there was no editing and it was just a raw reading of the script so there were a lot of mistakes.
Anyways, since this is a Public Argument, I really do appreciate the jokes thrown in here and there, but at the same time I feel like that knocks down his credibility a little bit. I appreciate his attempt to engage the audience and make it seem lighthearted, it really does have an affect on keeping the listener engaged, but it can also get distracting. I would suggest just cutting out any unnecessary commentary that neither benefits nor takes away from his podcast. He is definitely on the right track, he just needs to make sure he keeps the argument concise, because right now the podcast is around 16 minutes, and personally I can't pay attention to one thing for that long.
Author: David Klebosky
Title & Link to Project: Satire is Making Way For Absurdism
For this peer review I opted to make a content suggestion for David's podcast. Podcasts can be really tricky because you want to keep the audience's attention with interesting topics, sound effects, and keeping it to the point. At the same time you want to make sure that the audience fully understands what your point is. David provided us with a link to his script and a rough cut of his podcast. He has a great voice for podcasts and I really was impressed on how simply his tone kept me engaged, I felt like he was interacting with me, it didn't seem robotic. However, I did notice that I would simply get lost at times because I felt like there was too much going on. It could have been that there was no editing and it was just a raw reading of the script so there were a lot of mistakes.
Anyways, since this is a Public Argument, I really do appreciate the jokes thrown in here and there, but at the same time I feel like that knocks down his credibility a little bit. I appreciate his attempt to engage the audience and make it seem lighthearted, it really does have an affect on keeping the listener engaged, but it can also get distracting. I would suggest just cutting out any unnecessary commentary that neither benefits nor takes away from his podcast. He is definitely on the right track, he just needs to make sure he keeps the argument concise, because right now the podcast is around 16 minutes, and personally I can't pay attention to one thing for that long.
Peer Review 12a
For this Peer Review, I reviewed Emily Bond's Quick Reference Guide Rough Cut on Childhood Obesity.
Author: Emily Bond
Title & Link to Project: The Kids Aren't Alright
For this peer review activity, I decided to make a suggestion on the form of her Quick Reference Guide. I noticed that she could make a subtle change that would make such a big difference on the entire project, one that I had to make when I created my QRG. I suggest that Emily creates a little more whitespace in her QRG. Having the sections stacked right after each other makes for a cluttered look. Her QRG looks great and professional already, but spacing the different sections out would make the QRG appear less wordy and be easier on the eye. Having a lot to read could deter her target audience. Emily does a great job of incorporating relevant images and placing them with an in-text wrap to break up the different sections of text. Her rough cut is in solid shape, just a little tweaking here and there and she will have a great project.
Author: Emily Bond
Title & Link to Project: The Kids Aren't Alright
For this peer review activity, I decided to make a suggestion on the form of her Quick Reference Guide. I noticed that she could make a subtle change that would make such a big difference on the entire project, one that I had to make when I created my QRG. I suggest that Emily creates a little more whitespace in her QRG. Having the sections stacked right after each other makes for a cluttered look. Her QRG looks great and professional already, but spacing the different sections out would make the QRG appear less wordy and be easier on the eye. Having a lot to read could deter her target audience. Emily does a great job of incorporating relevant images and placing them with an in-text wrap to break up the different sections of text. Her rough cut is in solid shape, just a little tweaking here and there and she will have a great project.
Reflection on Global Revision Process
This blog serves as a reflection on the third week of process work for Project 3. With one week left, this blogpost shows where I am standing.
I am definitely ready for this week and to receive feedback on my rough draft. At first I felt a little disconnected with my project, but once I actually started to do my rough draft I felt like I had so much to say and I hope my passion for this subject can be seen throughout my essay. This week I am going to do my best to get as much commentary as possible on my draft, that way I can make the final the best that it can be. I personally feel really confident about my draft, but I really want to hear what other people have to say about it. I want to make sure my audience stays as engaged as I am about this topic and to prove that it is so much more than just a ban on a harmless activity. One of my weaknesses may be that I didn't have feedback during the pre-production week because I fell behind a little, but I think I made up for that by spending a long time on my rough draft.I have high hopes for this week.
Open Post to Peer Reviewers
This post is designed to share my Rough draft with my peers both in my section and other sections of English 109H.
The link to my rough draft for my Standard College Essay can be found here.
The link to my rough draft for my Standard College Essay can be found here.
- Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know.
This Rough Draft is my first actual piece of work right out of my outline, so please don't hesitate to tear it apart and suggest changes, ideas, even voice your opinion about the topic itself! I know it is a sensitive topic, so any suggestions on how to approach it better will help with my final draft.
- Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses).
I guess my major issues would be dealing with technical errors such as properly doing the in-text citations. I feel like I might have also steered away from my topic a little bit, but at the same time, I feel like all that information is necessary to prove my point. In order to show that the serenades were harmless, I needed to show that Fraternity guys are not all just driven by sexual behavior and have no clue how to handle themselves as respectful gentlemen.
- Major virtues or strengths in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths).
I think a major strength of my rough draft is that I spent a really long time on it, so I feel like it is in good shape to be fairly close to my final draft. I feel as thought I was able to get my point across with ample support, but I know there is always room for improvement.
Editorial Report 12b
This blog serves as an update from the Rough Cut stage to a revised version of the Rough Cut.
Since I fell behind in my pre-production phase, I went straight from an outline, to a detailed rough draft. Due to this, I don't have anything to compare my rough draft to, but I will give an update on my progress thus far. The following section of my essay is where I discuss who proposed the ban, the arguments in support of the ban, and other information on rape culture. For this section, I feel like when I revise it I should make sure that I am accurately representing their side, while making sure not to promote their side of the argument along the way. I need to make sure it stays unbiased, but at the same time accurate.
Rough Draft: Pro-Ban Section
" On March 22, 2016 the University of Arizona Panhellenic Council passed a resolution that dictates that fraternity serenades must return to a more traditional approach in comparison to their current form. (Merrall) UA Panhellenic President Allie Patberg pitched this resolution after recently engaging in the “I Will” campaign. The “I Will End Rape Culture” campaign is a student-driven campaign that intends to “raise awareness about sexual assault and promote consent.” (Laskey) The campaign started a little over two months ago, when the “I Will Week” took place from February 1-5 that included various events throughout the week to inform students about sexual violence, harassment, consent, and many other forms of sexual assault. According to the campaign, rape culture is “a term used to describe the normalization of sexual violences in society, such as victim blaming and slut shaming.” (Laskey) The campaign received a lot of attention, and for the most part, turned out to be a successful movement across campus. Many students got involved and were willing to learn more about what rape culture is and how they can do their part to help put an end to it. Some, even many, would say this movement was inspiring, like Pattberg herself, “I decided that it would be best if I took that knowledge and information and tried to create a positive change within our individual greek community.” (Merrall) Staying true to her decision, Pattberg was able to place her ideals into a proposed resolution regarding fraternity serenades, which was eventually passed. Pattberg mentions that there were some concerns regarding serenades, however, she did not provide any examples of these concerns or what about the serenades sparked this concern. The article also states “Patberg assured that although there currently haven't been any direct instances of Title IX violations regarding sorority members in relation to serenades, she does not want to take any risks.” (Merall) Still no hard on evidence Pattberg’s side, more so, taking precautions to prevent something from happening. The article goes on to say how it is more of the culture of these serenades that could trigger traumatic memories of sorority girls during chapter. In essence, it was concluded that “the council and its advisors collectively decided that the serenades were not reflective of greek life’s value.” (Merrall) In an attempt not to steer from the truth, I suggest giving this Daily Wildcat article a read, rather than just getting extracted quotes, but the ones provided give a good sense of what was going on and why this resolution was made."
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